i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
