I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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