we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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