No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is classic penis vs brain.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
