i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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