He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
