if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
