some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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