just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
