i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
