wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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