You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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