He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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