Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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