she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I need to align my fucking chakras
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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