I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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