apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
