he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
