She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
