she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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