I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
