Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
