and you said cock pushups were impossible
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
