my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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