If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
