I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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