Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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