dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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