dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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