god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
