I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
