I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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