you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
did i just pee glitter
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
