how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
