I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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