yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
