so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
