mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
