Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
