i need an iv and a liver transplant
stop calling my apartment porn island.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
