dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dick very happy bro
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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