oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
