You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
