11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
