FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
