I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
