...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
