Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize