Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
