His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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