We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
