im so drunk with asians
where?
always
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
