I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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