It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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