i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
