Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
