shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
