I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
