The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
