Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
