Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
