I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have feelings that need drinking.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize