Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
two words: eviction party
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
