I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
