he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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