Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
