I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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