marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
PANTIES FOUND
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