never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
