i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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