i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
