Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
