Do you still have your period?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
