hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
