we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
