he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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