my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
