if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
