Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
