Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
