Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
