My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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