Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
