Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I love having hate sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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