he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize