i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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