you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
