Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
where does the pee come out of this thing
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
