no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
