He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
