The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
