I heard we made out
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just googled if crying burns calories
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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