She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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