he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
