It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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