3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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