we're blogging at a bar
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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